- One social network that I really enjoy recently is Pinterest. On Pinterest I can get a lot of ideas and inspiration from images posted from people all over the world. One category that I find especially inspiring is that of famous or popular quotes. Since results are tailored to your personal likes and shares (like all other social media), recently I see a lot of quotes about having courage, and taking charge of onces life.
Seeing these quotes regularly does give me courage, and I feel I am in need of it, because life doesn’t always go, or continue the way you want it to.
K and I have decided, that we need another change in our lives. We don’t want to move around and rent forever. We need to start thinking about our future. We need to use what advantages we have and take advantage of our opportunities. With my current visa situation and the (availability of ) current jobs and salaries here, there is really only one logical choice: I need to move and work in another province.
I’ve explained a little bit before but this is our situation, plain and simple.
Because I am married to a minority, I cannot easily switch to a visiting family visa. I must go to my home country and APPLY. It wouldn’t even be guaranteed that I would receive one. Right now we don’t have the money to attempt this course of action.
Because I am married to a minority, in QINGHAI, I have not been able to secure a job. Companies and organizations are enthusiastic to hire me, but when they learn about my husband, they say they cannot hire me because I’d never be given the work visa.
The payment for foreigners in Qinghai province is still very low in comparison to other provinces in China anyway, and even if I could get a job here, we would not be able to save properly toward an apartment.
The idea is to work hard and sacrifice for a few years, so that later we can relax and enjoy our more comfortable lives together and without as much stress. This is a familiar idea that I can get behind. It’s just that in America, people would find a way to do this and keep their families together if at all possible.
And they would continue to LIVE THEIR LIVES, making sure to do things and go places that are meaningful and to have bonding time as a family and a community.
So that’s where the cultural differences come in. When in Rome, do as the Romans do…right? Being separated from family here is a way of life. I’m sure most people don’t like it much, but since it is so ingrained into the modern way of life here, nobody bats an eye. I was even scolded by various in-laws upon our return to Xining, hearing things like “Why did you come back here? You can’t earn money here! Go to Shenzhen or Shanghai and get your finances sorted out!”
In any case, this current situation isn’t sustainable, so something has to be done. So I have decided to put a lot of thought into what MY next move should be (because NOTHING is going to change for him here, except that I will not be around). I’ve taken the following things in to consideration, to hopefully prevent another “Jiangsu” situation:
Choose a job that is not going to be soul destroying.
Choose a place that I can save as much money as possible in as little time as possible.
Choose a place where daily life activities will not be difficult to do, such as buying groceries, paying bills, meeting friends, etc.
Choose a place where I will have foreign friends and a support network
Choose a place that is something different, with new cultures, foods, environments, and histories to explore and enjoy
Therefore I ruled out Shenzhen and Shanghai. Though I could make a great deal of money there, I am not sure how much of it I could actually save. Cost of living is high, and when meeting my friends in these places, I’d be expected to shell out some serious cash on brunches at fancy trendy restaurants. I’d also visited and lived near these cities already and I feel like I’d like to explore something completely new.
One of the last areas of China that I have not yet lived in is Guangdong. Yes, the sweaty south. And there is a reason for that. It’s HOT. Like, all the time. and I just never thought it was worth it to deal with that, until now.
I’ve found a job in a city outside of Guangzhou. It is through and with a friend that I’ve known for more than two years. It is not a traditional school, but I will be doing education and teaching related work. It is a more family-like atmosphere and less like a prison. It is not in a downtown/high-cost area, so I’ll have everything I need located conveniently around, but at lower prices and with few money-wasting distractions. Hopefully with this situation, I have met every criteria.
So soon our lives will change dramatically once more, and of course our biggest concern is KL, because whatever we choose to do, she will be missing out on something. That is one thing that cannot be changed in all of this. But we are doing this for her future. To finally give her some real stability in her life, something that she has never experienced since her birth. Someday she will understand, and hopefully appreciate it.
I’ve been a blog slacker, I apologize, but I’ve been on my computer a lot these days doing other things. I’ve decided to get into Stock Photography. I did some research about it, and thought that I must have a lot of photographs that I’ve taken over the last 5 years that people may enjoy and find worth purchasing. For each sale, I get a percentage as a commission. So far I’ve sold four photos. Not bad for a newbie.
Now that I’ve uploaded my best photos from my own archives, I’ve started going out with my camera with the intention of taking new photos. Taking photos with the hopes of selling them on stock photography websites means you have to think differently. Those websites don’t want photos of regular touristy things. People who purchase photos will use them on websites, blogs, and who knows what else, even billboards, and they should fit certain categories and fill certain needs.
So now I go out and sometimes take photos of brick walls and random graffiti on buildings, as well as my favorite other kinds of photos, all in the hopes I can generate some passive income over time by doing something that I really love.
My health is improving a lot in recent months, and that goes to show us all how much happiness makes a difference in our overall well being. Having time to myself, not needing to yell at people all day long, and being able to step back and reevaluate my situation have made the last two months the best I’ve had in the last two years.
The blanket business is my baby. After we give the tailors their instructions though, there isn’t much any of us can do except wait. Finally last weekend we were able to go back to the village and see how they were doing. Our second tailor, a disabled neighbor to K’s parents, had finished two blankets. One is in the photo behind me. How exciting!
Over the weekend we arranged for another tailor, and heard that or first tailor should be returning soon, and can hopefully get started on some of the bigger blankets.
Lastly it looks like I will be actually starting that course development job that I talked about before, soon. Ha. Life in Asia is so unpredictable. Cross your fingers!
I knew I had a good feeling about this year!
I knew I had a good feeling about 2017. I was starting to feel guilty about not bringing in any money recently so I asked K if we could see if there would be any interest in our blanket business. I prepared an advertisement for Wechat, and got a lot of feedback. Then I created a group to discuss with potential customers. The response was overwhelming! It was certainly enough to get the ball rolling.
Over the weekend and Qingming Festival, we received 15 blanket orders and many people are asking when we’ll take the next batch!
We took this opportunity to go to Gansu and get wholesale materials. I haven’t been this excited about something in a really really long time. Right I am working on pricing and marketing.
One thing I’m worried about are the tailors. Not that they will do a good job or not, but how quickly they can finish, and if they have a good understanding of the colors and sizes. We were not able to stay in the village for very long, so hopefully with the help of their younger relatives and smart phones, everything will be clear. Whether the work can get done quickly or not is another matter. That is a cultural difference.
So these days look for my blogs and pages for Shemelep (which means Butterfly in Amdo Tibetan) to be updated and refreshed. If you know someone who may be interested in a blanket inspired by Tibetan traditional robes and Amdo Tibetan culture, feel free to contact me.
Greetings from Xining! I am very happy to be coming to you from my chosen second home. Over the last month we have been settling in and figuring things out. As with city life in general, we have been busy! And the day continue to fly by.
K is sometimes busy with his work, but has a lot of time to spend at home at the moment too. He enjoys it and it is improving his language abilities as well as his understanding of how larger systems operate. He likes the challenge and hopes to continue with this company for a long time.
KL has started Chinese kindergarten. After a search around the area we found several kindergartens, and chose to go with the one that is nearest to our place. This kindergarten is supposed to be famous for instilling a love of music and dance into the small students.
Honestly, we struggle to send her to a Chinese kindergarten. There are a number of reasons for this. Disappointment at the lack of Tibetan kindergartens in the city is one. The probability of her picking up habits there that we find undesirable is another. But aside from keeping her at home with us all day, we have no other choice.
There are some benefits though, and they are really important. She has started to learn Chinese. Every day she comes home with more understanding of the language. I think it is an excellent time for her to start learning the language that she is going to have to do most of her academic study in for the rest of her time in China.
For now, she makes exaggerated noises and facial expressions when she attempts to speak it, which I think is just hilarious.
She seems to be adjusting alright, she’s gone from not wanting to go in the mornings, to not wanting to come home in the afternoons. I’ve had a mother and a grandma come up to me and tell me that their kid likes to play with “L”. That’s always a nice feeling.
As for me, according to my husband, I am “resting.” And by that I think he means not at the moment bringing home the bacon. But that does not mean that I’ve been idle. On most days I achieve my goal of 10,000 steps (recorded by my handy fitbit). I’m also scouring the web for work opportunities, and networking with friends online and off, in order to succeed in my plan to be able to settle down in Xining for the long haul.
Some ideas I’ve had so far have been to start a baking business, revive our blanket business (which I think we will do!!!), and do some course development work. I know I need to be patient and allow myself time to get immersed into city life, and to also rest, truly rest, because the last two years have seen adverse affects on my health.
I continue to be optimistic, and with exercise, a positive attitude, and finally being back together with my family, I am turning my life around.
For many travelers to Qinghai, a visit to a Tibetan Buddhist Monastery is at the top of their to-do lists. Aside from traditional schools of religious study, in recent years many monasteries have become popular tourist attractions. Here is a list of Dos and Don’ts to help visitors respect the local culture and people, and to secure a satisfying visit.
1. Learn a bit about the religion and culture before you arrive.
These days it is not hard to find general information about cultures and religions. Check out a book at your local library or browse trustworthy websites so that you have a better idea of what to expect when you arrive.
2. Observe the local people.
They say “when in Rome, do as the Romans do.” It’s no different in these Tibetan holy places. This means first you’ll have to spot the locals. (Hint: they are not the large groups of people following a megaphone and a flag). You won’t want to do everything the locals are doing, but follow their cues. If they’re avoiding something, you might want to as well. If they’re going in a certain direction, there is probably a reason for it.
3. Follow basic monastery etiquette
Tibetans circumambulate around temples and monasteries clockwise. This means the temple or monastery they are walking around should always be on their right side. Prayer wheels should also be turned clockwise and with your right hand. To do the opposite is ignorant and disrespectful. An exception to this is monasteries that belong to Bon, a pre-Buddhist animistic religious tradition where everything should be done counter-clockwise and with the left hand.
If you are not a Buddhist yourself, consider being content to observe. Doing prostrations or other religious rituals without really understanding them can be disrespectful.
4. Don’t take photos of monks and local people (unless they say it is ok)
If you are a foreigner who does not look Asian, you will learn quickly about how it feels to have cameras thrust in your face. Be respectful of the local people’s feelings and follow the golden rule. Remember they are people, not exotic animals in a zoo. They’re just trying to go about their daily lives.
It is often also requested that visitors not take photos inside temples and shrines. As a general rule, it is not recommended to take photos inside buildings. (I know, it’s really frustrating!) Taking photos outside is almost always ok.
5. Don’t be loud and rambunctious
Tibetans can seem really relaxed in their holy places compared to followers of other religions. Sometimes pilgrims will even elbow their way through a crowd to keep their pace. All the same, as with any place of worship, we should be quiet and respectful. Don’t play loud music, roughhouse with your friends, or damage any property when you’re visiting a Tibetan monastery.
Following these tips will help everyone to have a better experience when visiting Tibetan Buddhist Monasteries.
Did I forget anything? Let me know in the comments! How was your experience at a monastery in Qinghai?
Compared to most of the (multicultural) couples that I know, K and I are remarkably peaceful. Our relationship is based on logic and reasoning, and we often give each other the benefit of the doubt when there are misunderstandings. That and we’re both just really relaxed personalities, and don’t need to make mountains out of molehills.
Recently however we’ve been going through a difficult time. We’ve reached a problem in our relationship where there isn’t a right or wrong answer, just cultural ideas and a strong adherence to them.
I’ve written before about the plan for me to move to a tier one city in China, work at a (teaching) job that provides housing, and save as much money as possible so that we would soon buy an apartment of our own. For a while, I too thought that was the only way that we could save up to finally settle down and have a place of our own.
But the more I hunted for jobs, and contemplated a new life far away from my family, the more I felt myself resist. I looked at my sleeping daughter and could not find a worthy enough justification in my mind for leaving her again, this time longer than ever before. I worried that I’d work another thankless, unhappy, and tiring teaching job, alone, and without any emotional support or understanding from the people I would need it from most. I dreaded another Jiangsu; the most miserable year and a half of my life to date.
Even though I put measures into place to make sure I would have a better time than I did on China’s east coast; making sure that wherever I went I’d have foreign friends and a somewhat potentially less ugly teaching experience, it still did not seem worth it to leave my family behind, especially our young daughter.
So I chatted with a lot of people that I trust and respect, and who are in similar relationships and situations as we are, and learned about other opportunities, other ways to make money without needing to be separated from the people I care about most.
Times were already strained here, we were staying with K’s sister, and I was doing my best to be a good Tibetan wife (washing, cleaning, attending to everyone as best I could, and putting up with Yak Yak!) so I was already not dealing with things very well. K was practicing for his drivers tests and he was under a lot of pressure too. But as New Year Holiday was ending for everyone, I had to tell him how I felt.
He did not take my news well.
As most of you reading this are fluent in English and most likely come from Western countries, you may be sympathizing with me a bit. I know in America where I come from, parents are responsible for raising their children, and being a good influence on them, especially in their younger years. It is also important, however, to know how situations like this are handled in Tibetan society, and their attitudes about family and child rearing.
From what I have been told and what I observe, most Tibetan children are raised by their grandparents, and later their teachers. Parents are away at work, and unless there are special circumstances (for example, K’s brother can look after his own kids because they attend the same school where he teaches), they don’t have much interaction with their children, especially when they are young.
They also have full confidence that the grandparents (usually the father’s parents) are doing a good job, and don’t worry about their children’s care. It is the parent’s job to go out and work, often very far away from home, to bring in the money necessary to support the family.
So in the Tibetan mind, going away to work is NORMAL, and an EXPECTED sacrifice a parent does for their family.
Because, as a foreigner, I have such a higher earning potential in large Eastern Chinese cities (and in my case, have a much better time getting work visas), it is a no brainer that I should be on the next flight out to Shenzhen. My family would still be there waiting for me when I came back.
I understand and sympathize with my husband. If I was in his shoes, I would be frustrated with me too. But what can we really do about it? In this situation, whatever we decided, somebody would end up frustrated. Either I sacrifice my health and time with my daughter during an important time in her development, or he gives up his chance for us to buy an apartment much sooner than would otherwise be possible.
We decided to stay in Qinghai, and that I will try my hand at online work. It’s been a dream of mine for quite some time, and it is something that people here have absolutely no faith in. Things are better in our relationship recently, now that we are on the practical path of securing an apartment to rent, finding A a kindergarten nearby, and stating the online job research-and-interview process.
I feel a lot of pressure to make this work. I feel like I have one shot to prove myself in this. The heat is on, but I am optimistic. And I am very happy to soon be with my nuclear family, away from extended family, and finally following my dreams.
Losar Zang! It’s Tibetan New Year these days (15 days!) and as usual, this year things have been crazy. Lots of ups and downs, but that’s always the case. Here’s a little bit about what we’ve been doing for Losar this year.
This year, since we’re staying with sister in law, we stayed in county for New Year’s Eve. We ate snacks and enjoyed the Tibetan New Year performances on TV. Unfortunately for SIL, she had to go to the hospital to take care of one of her husband’s relatives, so after they left we just went to bed. Had a lot of fun in my ladies WeChat groups though!
The next day we were off to the village for the first day of Losar. On this day, the sons in a family will come home with their families. Sister in law and her family also usually comes on the first day, because let’s face it, the foreign Nama, daughter in law, is of no real practical use. Asking brother’s wife to do everything is asking a lot, so Sister D goes to help.
But actually K’s family is really relaxed. I vowed to be of more use this year, and did my best to follow Brother’s wife around and learn how to do things and help her as much as I could. actually there wasn’t much for any of us to do, even on our busy day, so I spent time taking photos and soaking up the atmosphere.
In the last few years, the traditional Losar trees, filled with dried fruits and candies, are slowly being replaced by plastic trees that look remarkably familiar to me.
Then the family decided that several people wanted to go to Lhasa. Leave it to Tibetans to plan things like journeys that take 24 hours by train at the last minute. Oh well! That meant that K’s parents and a bunch of sisters, and Yak Yak, are gone for about three weeks! The holiday got exponentially better once they left for some reason. Not sure why.
We went back to the village to experience some of the other New Year traditions. There is one where each family member rubs some roasted barley flower and water on their face, arms and hands. This is to remove any sickness, discomfort or bad things from your body. Then they donate it along with some fruits, vegetables and small change to a figure they create, also made from the roasted barley flour and water, to eventually be tossed somewhere outside the village, symbolizing all the bad things being removed from the village at the beginning of the new year.
I had the good chance to go to the place where where they were preparing everything at take some photographs. There are some really talented people in this village.
Now the main festival activities are over, and we are enjoying peace (sometimes) in the county. This morning A got a very long phone call from Yak Yak and other aunts and relatives who are enjoying their pilgrimage to Lhasa. We hope they have a wonderful time!